KOOKED. CORP. — Q4 APPAREL ACQUISITION PORTAL NOW OPEN — SHIRTS ARE NOT TAX DEDUCTIBLE (WE TRIED) — ALSO NOT ALLOWED PER THE STUDENT HANDBOOK — FREE SHIPPING OVER $50 — ALL PURCHASES FINAL — FOR THE OFFICE, THE CLASSROOM, AND EVERYWHERE IN BETWEEN — RISK LEVELS ASSIGNED AT MANAGEMENT'S DISCRETION — KOOKED. CORP. — Q4 APPAREL ACQUISITION PORTAL NOW OPEN — SHIRTS ARE NOT TAX DEDUCTIBLE (WE TRIED) — ALSO NOT ALLOWED PER THE STUDENT HANDBOOK — FREE SHIPPING OVER $50 — ALL PURCHASES FINAL — FOR THE OFFICE, THE CLASSROOM, AND EVERYWHERE IN BETWEEN — RISK LEVELS ASSIGNED AT MANAGEMENT'S DISCRETION —  
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Form 7-N — Site Navigation Index
Note from management: All routes on this index have been reviewed and approved for general access. Browsing does not constitute a purchase, but management remains optimistic.
Dept. of Apparel Acquisition  /  Q4 Collection  /  Ref. No. CKD-2024-001
For Students, Workers & Everyone In Between  |  Free Shipping Over $50
Home / Catalog / Give Me a Beer or I'll Kill Myself Tee
Product Ref: 9139432882331 — Risk Level: High

Give Me a Beer or I'll Kill Myself Tee

$25.00
Risk Disclaimer — High

This unit poses a high risk of being photographed. Not recommended for career fairs, first dates, or virtual meetings with your camera on. Management assumes no responsibility for any group chat that results from public wear.

Color
Size
Rush Processing
Filed in 3–5 business days
30
30-Day Appeal Window
Full refund, no hearing required
Confidential Checkout
Payment data stays classified
Quality

100% combed cotton, heavyweight construction. Built to survive a group project, a performance review, and at least one emotional breakdown. The print is engineered to outlast your patience for whoever assigned this shirt's subject matter to you.

Care Instructions

Machine wash cold, tumble dry low. Do not iron directly over the print — management is not responsible for what happens if you try. Turn inside out before washing to protect the design from itself.

Free Shipping

Filed and processed within 3–5 business days. Free shipping on all orders over $50 — a threshold set by accounting, and we are not going to argue with accounting.

Returns

30 days, no questions asked. If you regret this purchase, that's a separate conversation to have with yourself, not customer service.

Material100% Combed Cotton
FitUnisex, true to size
Shipping3–5 business days
Returns30 days, no questions asked
StatusPending review (ongoing)

Attachment B — Uniform Compliance

Official Sizing Memorandum

Ref. No. KKD-SZ-001  •  Measurements in inches, garment lay flat

Approved

Per company policy, all garments are measured flat and unstretched. A 1–2" discrepancy is within acceptable manufacturing tolerance and does not constitute grounds for a grievance.

Table 1. Garment Dimensions by Size Classification
Size XS S M L XL 2XL 3XL
Width, in 16.5018.0020.0022.0024.0026.0028.00
Length, in 27.0028.0029.0030.0031.0032.0033.00
Width Measure flat, pit to pit, across the chest one inch below the sleeve.
Length Measure from the highest point of the shoulder seam down to the hem.

© 2026 KOOKED. CORP. All shirts are the sole responsibility of the purchaser.

*Not liable for social, professional, or familial consequences. See Form 4B.

Corp.
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